Agape Love - "No Offense. None taken"

I have been told that I am a highly sensitive person. I would get my feelings so hurt as a kid and teenager when someone said something about a "demographic" I happened to fall into (teen, student, christian, girl, etc.) And now I see carelessness all around me from either the people living with me under my roof, or people I interact with who just can't see past their own ways, or people on the news who I just wish didn't exist in this world, and I just want to throw things and call people losers. Nothing stirs me up faster than careless people. Or judgy people (yes, I know I am a judgy person. Irony, huh?) But I have also learned that I can't control what people say or do, even if it's directly about\to me. I CAN control how I react though. I can do me and find peace because I leave people's opinions far away from me. I can control not to be angry at every little thing.

Everyone seems to be finding something to be offended by nowadays. There used to be a response to the phrase "no offense", which was "none taken." It is an interesting interaction indeed and one that has seemed to stop being used. After pondering this interaction, I realized that we can choose not to take offense when someone says something that is their own opinion, whether it's distasteful or not. I'm sure there are offensive people out there whose comments aren't warranted, but we can choose who we listen to and how we respond. Anger isn't a sin. Even Jesus was angry at times. But depending on how you use your anger, it can become one. The next characteristic of agape listed in 1 Corinthians 13 is that it's not easily angered, or provoked, or offended, or stirred up. We can remember a few things when we want to be spurred on by someone else's comments or actions.

We need to decide who we will allow to affect us. Find your people and treasure their opinions over any other. I found this as GOLD in Perry Noble's book, The Most Excellent Way to Lead.

"If I'm going to receive criticism from someone, they need to meet the following requirements:
- They must love Jesus.
- They must love the church.
- They must love me." (pg. 122)

 Because of these "standards" I can choose who will provoke me and who won't. Some people don't deserve my time of day or my energy of anger because nothing will change anyways if I'm angry. If I'm going to allow anyone to "stir me up", they will be giving me words for loving reasons. We can choose. We have the power to choose. The problem of today's world is that we get provoked so easily, and we leave no time to let it mellow. The internet, social media, people are a click away. We have not time to settle ourselves before we are typing words that we can't delete or take back. They are there forever, even if you think you did delete them. They are there for future employers to look up. For your kids to see. For strangers to see. Don't allow anger to destroy you because you CAN choose to walk away. To take a breath. To accept criticism from the people who love you and do it for the right reasons.

Proverbs 19:11 offers some sound advice:
"Good sense makes one slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook an offense."

By trying to gain understanding of why someone says what they are saying to us, we become less about our emotions and more about theirs. While this isn't something we believe someone may deserve because of the words they just threw at us, we do our part to create peace - not only for the other person, but for you. It brings you glory to overlook an offense, as the verse says. Not only does overlooking an offense cause you to be less emotional about what has offended you, but I believe it could also be a game changer in today's world of constant offensiveness. It is the recipe that causes people to actually notice you are happier than others. That you are not wrecked by someone because you are too busy being wrecked by God.

Overlook offenses, because honestly, they aren't meant to be your problem, and they aren't. They might be a problem for the person handing them out, but that is something they need to consider between them and God. Offenders cry insecurity. Don't cry insecurity back. Instead choose to stand on the Rock that wipes those things away. Nothing will matter but your faith 100 years from now. Just shine a light by choosing your path of peace.

Scripture to Read:
James 1:19-20, Ephesians 4:26-31

Questions to Ponder:
Why is it important to slow down when we are angry?
How can we choose not to take offense when someone says something offensive?
What are some ways not reacting can actually become a light to the One you serve eventually?

Agape Love - Self(-Seeking) Destruct

The hardest parts of working on a team is people. I've been a part of so many teams, committees, ministries, crews, groups, etc. and I have learned many things about how it's going to go just by looking at the people around me and how receptive they are to new ideas. I've also learned how it's going to go by how receptive I am to new ideas. I've been a part of teams that thrive and move in powerful ways because every person on the team knew how to set aside something they found valuable for the greater good of the mission/project. I've also been in groups that were just painful because no one listened to anything except their own words and ideas and the group went absolutely nowhere, and was frankly a train wreck that looked horrible once rubber met the road. The success or failure of these two types of groups stemmed from the next characteristic of agape love, which is "love...is not self-seeking". 

Not only does this character trait of agape affect teams, but it affects your life and your relationships on a very personal level. From social media rants to your marriage, selfishness is a poison that needs to be kept in check. There are many things we need to remember as we approach working with other people, whether we are face to face with them, through screens, or on teams so that the relationships can thrive best. As we look deeper at this concept of love not being self-seeking, we'll discover that many of the other traits we've talked about will come into play, as they all work together to form the perfect love of agape. 

One way we need to keep self-seeking in check is by setting aside our own opinions, ideas, traditions, etc. so that we can allow those who aren't from your world to see more clearly. It seems counter-intuitive. After all, why would you not share those things to help them understand more clearly. But we need to remember that good things, while truth-filled, can actually end up being stumbling blocks for those new to the whole idea of faith or the idea of whatever group/team you're apart of. We tend to blast people who aren't in tune with Christian customs or the ways of the group, and that causes much more damage than you could ever imagine.

Parts of Romans 14 says,
"Accept the one whose faith is weak, without quarreling over disputable matters...for God has accepted them. Who are you to judge someone else's servant? To their own master, servants stand or fall. And they will stand, for the Lord is able to make them stand...For none of us lives for ourselves alone, and none of us doe for ourselves alone. If we live, we live for the Lord; and if we die, we die for the Lord...You, then, why do you judge your brother or sister? Why do you treat them with contempt? For we will all stand before God's judgement seat...Therefore let us stop passing judgement on one another. Instead, make up your mind not to put any stumbling block or obstacle in the way of a brother or sister...For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking, but of righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit, because anyone who serves Christ in this way is pleasing to God and receives human approval. Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification. Do not destroy the work of God for the sake of food...So whatever you believe about these things keep between yourself and God."

Next, remember to ask God for His opinion. I think we spend a lot of time planning, formulating ideas and thoughts and opinions, and while they "sound" good or seem right, we don't actually always stop and ask God to tell us His thoughts in that moment. We may look up a verse that "agrees" with our point, but we don't necessarily look at the entire context of the Word, thus we make the verse "fit" our point, which is self-seeking. If we really wanted God's approval on things, we go to Him first, in prayer, in quietness, in word (as a whole), and in the consultation of other wise followers of His.

We set aside worldly "rights" and "opinions" for the greater good of the heavenly kingdom. I think lately our world (maybe just our country) has become so wrapped up in what are my "rights" and standing up for them, that we forget that earthly rights are worth nothing in an eternal perspective. These formulated "rights" may sound good and fair and seem, well, right, but those too can be a very blinding perspective of self-seeking love.

Galatians 5:13-15 states
"You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh; rather, serve one another humbly in love. For the entire law is fulfilled in keeping this one command: 'Love your neighbor as yourself." If you bite and devour each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other." 

Don't always look to your best interest in this world or your rights, because those will fall eventually, and won't matter. The best thing you can do for yourself and for others is to share a Hope that is immovable, and a love that will start someone in the process of seeing something greater, more powerful, stronger, more lasting than anything else in this world can offer them. Look beyond tomorrow and what this world has to offer for you, and look ahead to an eternity and what needs to happen to get people needing that hope there. Our self-seeking will hinder these things if we are not careful.

Scripture to Read:
Romans 14, Luke 10:25-37

Questions to Ponder:
How can doing "good things" end up not being that good after all for others around you that you interact with?
What are some ways our thinking we're doing good things for Christ actually be a stumbling block or a "push away" to others?
What are some practical ways you can show selfless love to someone this week?

Agape Love - Set Aside the Pride

I hate asking for help, but then get frustrated when no one helps me accomplish something that should be a team effort. I hate asking for help because I feel like every piece of me is weak and it shows hard. Asking for help would be the next level of weakness, and I feel this way because of a dangerous thing called pride. I'm too prideful to say I need an extra buck to get somewhere, or that I need help moving something, or even that I need a prayer. Pride not only deprives me the opportunity to practice humility, but it deprives someone else the opportunity to bless and offer a helping hand.
The time I went through open chest surgery after my daughter was born was humbling for me, yet so frustrating, because of pride. I hated having to be with someone every minute when I came home from the hospital. I hated that I didn't have energy to cook or clean (let's be honest, I still don't!!), and I hated not being able to care for my new daughter without people "checking in". It was a pride issue.
On the flip side, there is a pride from those who think they deserve things to be handed to them. Rather than wanting to lend a hand, they hold their hand out looking for someone to place a "blessing" in it, over, and over, and over, so much so that they don't know how to fend for themselves in life, and pride essentially destroys them.

I have always believed that humility is the most powerful position you can take. It seems like an oxymoron, but there is a deeper understanding when you can take a knee in humility when dealing with people. Pride is the opposite of this position. There is a place of vulnerability that can either be crushed by a person's pride, or affirmed by a person's humility.
Love is humble, not prideful.
Pride has no time of day for anything by oneself. Love gives time freely.
Pride can't see past self. Love sees every opportunity to lend anything they can offer.
Pride is a root of selfishness. Love is selfless.
Pride hardens. Love softens.

There are verses and verses throughout God's word that would tell you how dangerous pride is, and in this case, pride is not an intentional way to pursue agape. It destroys agape because it encompasses every piece of it and makes it negative.
Pride is not patient. Pride is not kind. Pride boasts. Pride is envious...it fits. Pride seems to be the root of the problem in many cases, yet humility and love seem to be the solution.

So how do we strive for humility and try to wipe off pride?

Believe you don't have to be the most intelligent, strongest, and better to do what you are called to do. I think we fall into the pride trap when we believe we are the best, which is never true. The truth is someone else is always better, stronger, and more intelligent. Know that God is the most at everything. He created you with your gifts and He knows you better than you know yourself.

"You turn things upside down, as if the potter were thought to be like the clay! Shall what is formed say to the one who formed it, "you did not make me?" Can the pot say to the potter, "you know nothing?" - Isaiah 29:16

Conquer pride by remembering Who made you and where your role is in that.

Secondly, keep yourself in check. When you start thinking you are indispensable, or better than someone else, or that your accomplishments entitle you, stop. Remember that the ultimate judge is God. Nothing in this world matters beyond eternity.

"For by grace given me I say to every one of you: Do you think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgement, in accordance with the faith Go has distributed to each of you. For just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, so in Christ we, though many, form one body, and each member belongs to all the others. We have different gifts, according to the grace given to each of us..." -Romans 12:3-6a

Conquer pride by remembering that God gave each of us unique gifts and that we are all serving the same purpose as ONE. None of us is better than the other, but God is our greatest pursuit.

Admit your wrongs. When you mess up, confess it. Bring it before God and be sure to say "sorry" to the people you wronged. Saying sorry is probably the most humbling thing you can do in a hot-button, prideful world. I have come to learn that people who won't say "sorry" are the ones who will ditch you under the bus just to keep themselves looking good. Don't be that person. Life's too short to carry around our wrongs, even if you don't think you're wrong. Consider the "what if I am wrong?"

Pride is something that starts very small, but then grows and grows until it's all about you. It may start with an achievement, a reward, but eventually turn into every conversation turning back to your achievements, your qualifications, your experiences, to the point of never wanting to admit you need help. Or that you are wrong. Or that your achievements aren't yours. Keep pride in check and stay humble.

Scripture to Read:
Romans 12:3-6a, Isaiah 29:16

Questions to Ponder:
Where do you struggle in the area of pride?
Which one of the steps can you work on this week to conquer the pride that threatens to come forth from you?
What is something God has done in your life that is truly amazing?