Fill the Gap - Have a Little Faith

The chaos in the hallway with hustling and bustling scrubs and intercom attention flowed through the door as it was left partially ajar from the 5am nurse visit. Another day on the seventh floor of the heart wing had become another day away from my baby girl, and the snuggles we were supposed to be sharing at home. I hit lows a lot as I was trapped on that 7th floor, with nothing but a hallway to walk around and a window to gawk out, as a long, brutal winter became a much anticipated spring. Moving around was still a monitored process as I had just escaped the ICU and the feelings of residual chest tube wounds, along with sawed sternum rang loudly as I would even shift the smallest amount. Holding my baby was a challenge the small amounts of time she was brought from Ludington, 2 hours away, and I felt as if I was missing her entire 1st month of life. I felt jipped. I felt enormous amounts of "why"? I felt as if the precious moments of the one shot I had at motherhood  was slipping out of my fingers, and nothing I could do would make it come back. But I had to learn to have faith in those moments, and that is precisely one of the things God was teaching me.

I think controlling our own fate is something we all do as humans in one way or another. We find life not to be fair, yet we don't see the path ahead, or the bigger picture of what God is trying to prepare us for, prevent us from, and teach us in those awful, frustrating times in life. If I had it my way in that time, I would have made mothering a newborn as a more positive experience. It wouldn't have involved colic, the open-chest surgery, and the not even able to pick up my baby for 8 weeks after my surgery. But God's plan was different. And as I reflect back, I still don't always see the bigger picture or reasons, but I know I'm a different person today because of that season.

We read that Ruth "happened to" be gleaning in the field that belonged to Boaz. And not only this, but she happened to be there when Boaz was there, which was probably not often as Boaz was a rich man, who probably owned many fields and had many workers. Luck? Coincidence? Absolutely not. Ruth's faith and promptings from God had led her to Bethlehem, a place where as a Moabite, she would probably face much ridicule and no future, and by God's prompting, she gleaned the fields of the man she would one day marry. Ruth's newly acquired faith in the One true God got her off the couch, out of the house, out of her state of moping, and into the field where her future would begin once more. 

Proverbs 16:9 tells us this was God's hand, as it reads, "In their hearts, humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps." And in Ruth's case, we find out that she indeed becomes the lineage of Jesus - a far grander plan that finding a husband and future in another land with hopeless outlook for her origin. 

God took care of Ruth and Naomi is so many ways. In fact, Ruth gleaning the fields tells us that her and Naomi were probably desperate for some food, and Ruth, taking care of her mother in law went out to do what she had to do in taking a risk. Eventually, becoming favored in Boaz's eyes would not only take care of Ruth and Naomi in his wealth as family, but it would take care of us all in leading to the birth of our Savior down the family line one day. God's plan is perfect, and in the midst of the hopeless circumstances of life, He has so much more beyond those frustrating moments that you can't even comprehend.

Nothing could have prepared me for that circumstance, yet looking back I realize more and more God had been preparing me all along, and even in that moment, He was preparing me for more of life's curve balls to come. 21 days in the hospital, and months of recovery at home were actually some of the best ways God could have taught me to look up and know His plan is more powerful. I can't even tell you how close I felt to God in that "rock bottom" moment, and I often long for that type closeness again, as I strive to figure it all out. I remember that having faith in the impossible moments create possibilities. May we all strive to see this when rock bottoms come. 

Scripture to Read:

Ruth 2:1-9, Matthew 1:1-17

Questions to Ponder:

Have you ever felt at the "rock bottom" of life? Why?

How did God show you a grander plan, if He has revealed it to you yet? If not, ask yourself how could "rock bottom" be a grander plan?

How do we have faith to move along despite our circumstances? What can you remember from Ruth's story to help you?